Chapter twenty-one | Behind Blue Eyes


I had told Stasia not to move from the spot where I had left her. I knew that she would have done exactly as I told her, so when I arrived back at the cottage and she was nowhere to be found, I knew that I had been successful in what I had set out to do.
She was gone now. Gone to wherever it was that Kesava and Jasper had gone to, and where my parents had been waiting for so long.
I made my way outside, and proceeded to dig a hole with the shovel that I had brought along. Once I decided it was deep enough, I hobbled back into the house, leaning on a cane to keep my balance (what with my broken leg and all), and picked up the skeleton that was once the living Stasia. I gently placed the corpse into the hole, and buried her.
Once the hole was covered, I made my way over to the center of what had once been Stasia's farm, and took from the ground the tall wooden stake that once was a scarecrow. I placed this at the end of her grave, as a sort of tombstone, and with a pocket knife I carved a heart, and Stasia's name.
I knelt down solemnly, and quietly uttered a prayer in my native language. I wasn't much of a praying man, I'll admit, but it just seemed like something I ought to have done.

Here I was, a nineteen-year-old college freshman. A freshman that had gone through more in his short life than most men who reach the age of a hundred! And I had lost it all. I'm not the sort of person that assigns much worth upon possessions, but rather cherishes people and relationships. But now, look. They've all moved on to the next world, and I'm all alone.

I heard a few people calling my name from the forest, looking for me. Eventually, I found Professors Sezja and Marika standing near me.
"Selanio! The whole faculty is out looking for you!" Said Sezja.

"Are they?" I asked, "Why's that? Selanio only went out for a walk!"

"You're too injured to be up and about," Marika said harshly, "You could've re-opened your wounds and bled to death out here in the middle of nowhere."

"Well I DIDN'T," I said confidently, "Selanio is much too COOL to die like THAT."

Sezja frowned. "Come on, you've got to get back into bed."

I sighed, rolling my eyes. "I don't WANT to."

"Don't be so stubborn," Sezja insisted, "The more you stay out, the longer it's going to be before you're better."

I grumbled, and conceded. I got to my feet, and the three of us started walking back to the school.
Sezja nudged Marika. "Why don't you help Selanio walk?" I figured Sezja was asking Marika instead of doing it himself because Sezja was so much shorter than I, and as such it would be awkward for me to walk while leaning on him.

Marika huffed. "If he walked here on his own, he can walk BACK on his own!"

Sezja frowned. "Don't be like that. He--"

I shook my head. "I'm FINE. I don't wanna lean on smelly old Marika anyway."

Marika was insulted, but said nothing.

I didn't want to go back to the school anymore. Even though I wanted to finish my education, it was such hell being there, because now everyone looked at me like a hero. They treated me the same way everyone used to treat Stesha. The morons never learn, do they?!
I had told my story to these fanatics many times already-- not out of pride, mind you, but just because these people just LOVE hearing their "heroes" tell their tales-- and every time, I was asked the same thing, over and over: why don't I just kill myself? If everyone I love and everything I care for is dead, why don't I just go join them in the afterlife?
But that would be easy, wouldn't it? It would be damn logical. And let's face it, that just isn't Selanio's style.
And besides, what would Kesava and Jasper think? Wouldn't Stasia think less of me if I took the easy way out? Wouldn't my parents be disappointed?
After all, I'm Selanio, and I've always been destined for great things. They know that. I'm sure they want me to live up to that.
I don't know whether I'm evil or not anymore. I just saved the damn world, wouldn't that make me good? Or did I do it in an evil way? Does it even matter anymore?
So I guess I'm taking a break from that. Selanio-the-villian is on hiatus. I'll probably go back to the evil, maybe, as I really did enjoy it. But for now, I'm neither good nor evil-- I'm just a man, trying to recover from his latest hardship. But soon enough, I'll be myself again. I'll be up and plotting my latest evil plan, ready to show the world what Selanio really stands for! Ready to conquer the world and do whatever the hell I feel like with it!
I wouldn't want to deprive anyone of that! I'm going to be awesome; I wouldn't dare deprive the world of the chance to see the wonders-- or horrors-- I have in store.

I've always looked to the future as a way to cope with my past. I've always looked at the great things I thought would happen, and derived strength from that.
I'll still do that. Whether I'm alone or not, I'm still going to continue on with the same enthusiasm as always, knowing that someday I'll achieve everything I ever wanted.

We walked the rest of the way to school in silence. The air was cold and the ground was coated in snow, but the sun was shining and the whole world was bright and sparkly. I can't say I usually like inspirational landscapes like the one present today, but I have to admit that right now, the world was beautiful.

I don't know anymore what tomorrow, and all the tomorrows after that, may bring. Whether I'm destined to be a devil or a saint, whether I'll be loved or hated by the masses-- I just don't know.
But I do know one thing.
Come what may, I will face everything without fear.
I'll meet my future, whatever it may be, head-on.